We won't sleep together?
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
