we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
