shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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