just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
