Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
