U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
