you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
