so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
