thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
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Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
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I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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