alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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