Umm I'm too high to move.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You smell like stripper and shame
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Little spoons don't ask big questions
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
