your thong is hanging out like whoa
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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