What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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