Rock
Scissors
Fuck
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
