yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
now i know why i became what i already was.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
