The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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