Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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