I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
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I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
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Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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