apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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