I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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