I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
