I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
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We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
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He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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