I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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