Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize