youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
