sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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