we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
