two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
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Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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