I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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