No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
