I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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