just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
