I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
