Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
