The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
