R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
