my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
