On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
