worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
