You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
