There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
