Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
