wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
