Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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