How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
