genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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