New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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