dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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