I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
