Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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