dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
