In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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