Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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