Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
