this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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